Please don't feed the coworkers...

This is a blog I've been meaning to write for a bit now. But today, I got new information that'll make this blog sing! (Guaranteed to sing, or your money back! Act now, this offer won't last.)

So, as many of you out there know, I'm 25. And I know that's not old, but I feel old when my coworkers start singing along to Hannah Montana. Seriously? Hannah Montana? You have to be kidding me. They are in their early twenties, and they love her. What's not to love? She has AMAZING lyrics, and HUGE musical talent...okay, I can't believe I just typed those phrases. But that's what they tell me. Let's look at some of her lyrics, shall we?

You go to movie premiers (is that Orlando Bloom?)
Hear your songs on the radio, woah,
Livin' two lives is a little weird, yeah
But school's cool cause nobody knows

Yeah you get to be a small town girl
But big time when you play your guitar

You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show

I hope I never have to read her lyrics again...it's impossible to choose the worst lyrics, because they all suck. So she goes to premiers and maybe see Orlando Bloom. She hears her songs on the radio (funny, I've never heard any HM songs on the radio...oh wait, that's because she's ONLY on radio Disney. Got it.). It's weird living two lives, but it's all good cuz no one at school knows. And does HM play a guitar? I'll admit I've seen the show twice, in an effort to understand the obsession, but I don't remember any guitar playing by her. I think my favorite line is "chill it out, take it slow." That's obviously stellar song writing there, what is this "it" she's talking about? Are the horrible lyrics really her fault? Well, she agrees to sing them, so yes. She may not write them, but she DOES choose to sing them.

How does this relate to my coworkers? I've heard the "you get the beeeeeest of both worlds" chorus about a million times in the last few weeks. And I got to listen to them gush over how she'd added a show here in Utah. (OH MY GOSH!! It's like Christmas!) And I got to hear the story of Taren camping out for tickets, and then Megan was "so jealous." Seriously? There are bands I'd camp out for, but HM is DEFINITELY NOT on that list.

Then this morning, I'm talking to my friend and she starts telling me about her coworker Kellie Levek (name has been misspelled to protect the guilty's identity). Kellie likes to dress in "themes." Today's theme was Lindsay Lohan. Maybe leggings and a nice "dress length" shirt wouldn't be so bad except that Kellie has been through the Temple, and leggings "show her religion," so to speak. Then she topped the outfit off with leopard print heels. She's in Boise, not Hollywood, first of all. And second of all, even if she were in Hollywood it wouldn't be a good idea to wear this outfit. (Did I mention the leggings were black and the shirt grey? How does THAT work with leopard print!?) My friend has also seen Kellie dress like a French Mime, complete with pale make-up. I know, I know...

Speaking of Kellie's make-up foibles, she has "plucked one too many times" and is now officially browless. That's right no eyebrows. So she pencils them in everyday. Each day is a little different. One day she has nice thin eyebrows that look mostly normal and other days she has thin eyebrows that look hideous. Today, she went for a "bushy" look. I hear it looks beyond hideous. What's beyond hideous....appalling, dreadful, frightful, ghastly (I like that one!), macabre - maybe - revolting, and so on.

The other thing that gets me about coworker Kellie (coming soon to a store near you "Coworker Kellie." She'll annoy Working Mom Barbie so much that Barbie will burn dinner!) is that she's taken pictures of all her clothes and then puts together power point slides of possible outfits. I guess her dream is to have a computer program similar to Cher's on Clueless...now there's a goal.

So please, don't feed the coworkers, as the zoo keepers need to make sure they have the proper diet so they'll continue to entertain us for years to come.

JFF = Just Friends Forever

When it rains, it pours. And if it's not pouring you're in a drought. I usually apply this statement to an over abundance of boys pursuing an individual girl. However, this blog will deal with the eternal question that plagues everyone at time of breakup and that is the "can exes be friends questions." First, though I want to point out that, there are no definites in the world of relationships, just speculation. Boys will be boys, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Let's start with me and my most recent ex. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing that I've ever experienced in the world of dating. It's not easy knowing that a person you're in love with, is no longer a part of your life in the way you'd planned. We had several rocky months. We fought about the stupidest things, and when we weren't fighting, we weren't exactly friends either...if you know what I mean, and I think you do. The point is, that we still had intense feelings for each other with no outlet to express them. So we fought and stayed in a limbo between together and not together for several months. Then I left for school. Now, we are friends. I still have feelings for him, as my sister pointed out the other day: "you never forget your first love. They're always part of you." I'll admit, our relationship is NOT an easy one. We have had a hard time remembering that we are "just friends" and not together. And we are still figuring out how to be "just friends," but we're getting there and he is a friend.

Through this whole time, I've had many people tell me that this was an impossibility, and I believed them...at times, and did try to cut myself off completely from him. But you can't force what you don't feel. I had to let it just happen naturally; I think that's where the naysayers get their "it'll never work" mentality from. They try to force it to work, and so it fails. When left to it's own devices friendships work themselves out.

I'm not an isolated case. I guarantee that. I was going to talk about my friend Megan. (Yes, you, Robin.) But her "friendship after break up" is turning back into a "we're together, so back off boys" status. These two were friends though. He's just being stupid, and I'd like to tell him that....but we're NOT in junior high. Let him suffer through not having the most AMAZING girl on this earth. He'll come around (and he is...slowly...stupid boys!) They still help to prove my point, because they are still friends, and they keep the friend's boundary. They'll get it figured out. I have faith in them.

What's with Today, today?

Okay, so it's Friday night, and I'm sitting at home, alone. LAME! I know. But this is how things work when you're 25 years old and getting a Master's in Provo, UT. I'm a social pariah. 25 and unmarried isn't nearly so bad if you're male, but you have to be male. Fortunately, I'm not male. I'm a girl. Which makes this situation 100x worse. *sighs* If I was a guy I'd have more control over this "sitting at home being lame" thing. I know what you're thinking, "it's the 21st century! Go ask a guy out yourself!" But I can't. As independent as my daddy raised me to be, I am a traditionalist at heart. The guy asks the girl out. Until of course they have established themselves as a couple then it's totally kosher for the girl to ask the guy to do things.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not lamenting the lack of a guy in my life, honestly. I'm more trying to point out the idiocracy of the BYU sub-culture. In Boise, I never would have felt lame for being at home, never would have felt out of place for being a single 25 year old female. But in land of a million marriages, it's hard to not feel like an outcast when you yourself are among the unwed. I'm totally down with the single life. I like only having to look out for moi-même. A Master's degree is time consuming. I have so much reading to do for research and classes...it's out of control!! But I have wandered off the beaten path.

BYU sub-culture. The rules of these people go something like this:

1. Marriage is your primary goal, school secondary.
• Girls should be married no later than 21.
  
• As this is the age most boys are coming back from missions...no boy will want an older girl, right?!
• Boys should be married no later than 25.
• Seriously, if you're not married by then, you're wasting time. The 25 age already gives them 2 years of slacking...should be married by 23...sheesh...get it together!
2. Girls should spend minimum of 2 hours getting ready for the day.
   
• Hair needs to be properly teased into place...seen the movie Hairspray? Not such an unrealistic portrayal...
• Make-up? Should look like a professional did it. No facial flaws allowed.
  
3. Clothing, if it's not name-brand brand new this season, you're out of style.
• Can we say Ambercrombie and Fitch? Oh and don't get me started on the Banana Bandwagon...
  (The only time it's acceptable to not be perfectly put together is if you're going for the "surfer"/"skater" looks...but these can only be done with the most expensive line of such clothing...no cheapies here either)
4. Dating shouldn't last longer than 3 months.
• Apparently, you'll know after just 3 months of having known the person (because heaven forbid! you be friends first) whether you want to marry them or not.
  
• Word of caution: DTR does not equal "define the relationship" it does, however, equal "destroy the relationship." There are very few exceptions to this rule.
5. Engagements should not last longer than 2 months.
• Anything longer and you're being ridiculous. I mean, cheap, Mormon wedding dresses are so easy to go buy off the rack. But make sure you don't have sensitive skin, the cheap fabric WILL make you itch... (ew, ew, ew! I'll NEVER buy a Mormon wedding dress...only Teri Alton originals for me!)

I think I'll leave it at those 5 for now. There are more, so I know there will be an update to come. But I'm sick of delving into the twisted workings of the BYU sub-culture for tonight. We'll see, I have a lot of lame Friday nights ahead of me...full of fun reading! (Or maybe, I'll get lucky and some fine, BYU specimen will finally ask me out! Be still, my beating heart....)