An Open Letter to People with Big Hair

Dear Big Hair People:

I tease. I rat. I hairspray. And yet, I can't get my hair to do what you do. I don't get it. What about the process am I missing? What do you do that I don't do? How do you make your hair look like a square? I don't get it.

I'm not about to start doing this to my hair regularly. But in the off chance that I want to dress as a Utah Mormon for Halloween, these skills become important. I'd like to understand the process it takes to get hair that big (or that square).

I also wonder, what compels you to do this? I personally don't think it looks good. If it doesn't look natural, don't do it! Hair should not double your head size! (It just looks awkward!) But, apparently, you like that their hair looks like this. Guys marry you too, so they must not think it's awful. Or they do and don't care?! Do your personalities make up for the square hair? I don't get it.

Here's what I propose: I need one big haired person (preferably a Utah Mormon - these girls take it to a whole new level) to be my friend. Then we'll take before pictures of both of us. Then you'll do my hair and I'll do your hair. Then we'll take after pictures. These will be posted online for voting. Then maybe (with the help of empirical data) we can stop the big hair phenomenon or embrace it.

Thanks.