21 May 2009

The Sharpie Pen Affair

The Sharpie Pen is here, and it's amazing. I love it. I promise you it does not bleed through or anything. I have been silently hoping that Sharpie would solve the bleeding issue and create a pen that would be perfection in my hand. It has finally happened. I bought a set at WalMart over the weekend, I didn't truly believe that it would work. I have been burned before by Sharpie and their promise of no bleeding. So it was with trepidation (and excitement) that I wrote a note on my handy Post-It notes. I flipped it over, there was no bleed through! My dreams were now reality. Life was complete. Until I realized, that I only had one in blue. So today, whilst buying office supplies for my desk at school, I bought the four pack. I'm in heaven.

I know the skeptical feeling you're currently experiencing. You must think I'm insane. But it works!

Sharpie fans rejoice!

I'm Glad I'm not a Lesbian

Not that I have anything against those that are. It's just, I was reminded tonight of why I'm glad I'm not dating girls. I like being friends with girls, but I'd never want more than that.

I'm just going to come out and say it: Girls = drama. Holy cow. Most of the "girls" I have as friends are very low drama, but every once in awhile a high drama girl sneaks in unseen....until the drama strikes. And then, it's too late. You're invested in the relationship. You can't get out, even if you want to.

I have a friend, I've known for years!! But she is high drama all the time now. She wasn't at first, or I just didn't notice it. But I don't call her, or text her often anymore. Because? It's all about boys when I call her. He didn't do this, or she's not getting asked out. Blah!! I don't mind doing the requisite boy discussion, but not as the only thing we communicate about! I'm in school. I know you don't care about that because you didn't choose college, but my paper getting accepted at a conference is a pretty big deal. I don't appreciate that you brush it aside because YOU want to talk about the boy drama in your life. That? Is why I don't call you often.

I'm sure I create my own fair share of drama, I know it happens. We're girls, it follows us. But I don't need other girls always being in drama mode.

I'm glad I'm a girl and get to spend my life with a guy. And to all the boys out there, I'm sorry.

04 May 2009

Re: I <3 gromit

Recently, I wrote a quick blog about a General Conference talk that I had loved. (And by recently, I mean...it was my last post. I've neglected posting.) My friend, gromit, asked me to clarify why this talk had meant so much to me. Since I think she's pretty awesome, and I had intended to anyway...here it is.

As I was listening to it, my "duh" moment came when he said "doubt is not a principle of the gospel." My bishop and I have been going rounds on this issue. I never doubted that God would come through in the end. I doubted that I would live up to my end of the deal. I doubted my ability to make my life what He knows it can be. I doubted everything about me. It's what I do. As a recovering anorexic...of the perfectionist realm...I constantly think that I'm falling short of the mark. When I heard Elder Pearson say "doubt is not a principle of the gospel" I suddenly KNEW what my bishop had been saying all along. My bishop knew I didn't doubt in the Lord (I hope), but he was trying to tell me that by doubting myself I still wasn't exercising faith. And since that sentence was uttered...my doubts have all but vanished. It was that sentence that I needed to hear, in that setting. It made all the difference in the world.

Elder Pearson makes the claim that faith comes as a result of obedience. He made the comparison to a chemical reaction. If you put in obedience, you get out faith. I think what he meant (at least what I got out of it is) that we don't always know why we are to do certain things, but when we do them our faith increases as we see the benefits that come from doing this. I do not believe in blind obedience. I believe that we are all entitled to answers when it comes to how to live our lives. But part of getting that answer relies on the act of obediently living the principle to see if it comes up with anything good. We are told that we'll know if something is good by the fruits that it bears. So if our obedience to something brings about good things, then it is good and our faith is increased. I don't think there is a direct correlation between obedience and faith; no algebraic equation that can be set up for it. Faith comes in many ways, but one way is through obedience. I think it's like listening to your parents about some things. We (as children) don't understand why we must look both ways before crossing a street when they first tell us we have to. They may say things like "you'll get hit by a car," but we don't understand that until the day that we forget to look and almost get hit by a car. (This is just one example that may or may not be true for everyone...but there are many other possibilities...think about it.) However, we listen to our parents when they tell us these things, and we follow through trusting their wisdom. Until one day when we are granted understanding about why they told us these things. We gain faith in them. More than we had before when we were just being obedient. And, we may only gain knowledge in one thing (I almost go hit...mom and dad were right about looking both ways...they must be right about everything else!), but it's applicable to more things.

Again, I'm not advocating blind obedience. We can still pray, you know. We are entitled to personal revelation. (Blasphemous! I know. But, it's true. We can. -- it's actually surprising to me that some people don't know this. Remind me to blog about it at some other time.) However, He sometimes doesn't give us an answer to things, wanting to test our obedience. He will then always show us, in some way, that the thing we're obediently doing is right. And then our faith increase because we have invested something into the faith process. If we just sit around saying "I have faith that He's right...." or whatever, and we never exercise that faith by doing something that we're unsure of, then we don't really have faith.

The other point is that faith and fear can not coexist. This can seem counter-intuitive. Sometimes we have to do things that we are afraid of for the faith to come. But this "fear" is different from my fear of spiders, of jumping off cliffs when I can't see the water, of drowning...whatever. It's okay to be scared and unsure. These are normal. I still think you can have faith and be afraid of having to live on it. Take my sister for example. Her husband has just started a new job. One that can bring in plenty of money, but one that's base salary only covers their mortgage. She's afraid of how they'll make ends meet if he doesn't bring in more than the base salary, but she knows that he was supposed to take this job. It felt like the right thing, and all the pieces have fallen into place so far. She's still worried/scared/afraid. But she has faith it'll work out. Our brains aren't wired to be completely fear-free. The trick to faith is not being ruled by the fear. When we let fear dominate our life, faith has no place. But when we are actively trying to live with faith, the fear that we feel is normal human emotion. And it does not replace our faith. It'll ultimately help increase our faith. Doing things that leave us frightened does make it so we have to rely on Him to be sustained. Thus, our faith increases. Not doing things because we are frightened by them, leaves us relying on ourselves and not Him. Thus, fear rules our life and our faith decreases.

We can choose to live a life of fear and doubt, or we can choose to live a life of faith. It is an active choice. I doubt my abilities less, but I still have to choose to live without the doubt I had. It still tries to creep in. And I choose to live with faith that I am doing the right thing. I am capable of the life He wants for me. I don't know everything that entails...but I'm certain that it'll be for my benefit.

I hope this clarifies why I liked the talk...