05 October 2007

What's with Today, today?

Okay, so it's Friday night, and I'm sitting at home, alone. LAME! I know. But this is how things work when you're 25 years old and getting a Master's in Provo, UT. I'm a social pariah. 25 and unmarried isn't nearly so bad if you're male, but you have to be male. Fortunately, I'm not male. I'm a girl. Which makes this situation 100x worse. *sighs* If I was a guy I'd have more control over this "sitting at home being lame" thing. I know what you're thinking, "it's the 21st century! Go ask a guy out yourself!" But I can't. As independent as my daddy raised me to be, I am a traditionalist at heart. The guy asks the girl out. Until of course they have established themselves as a couple then it's totally kosher for the girl to ask the guy to do things.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not lamenting the lack of a guy in my life, honestly. I'm more trying to point out the idiocracy of the BYU sub-culture. In Boise, I never would have felt lame for being at home, never would have felt out of place for being a single 25 year old female. But in land of a million marriages, it's hard to not feel like an outcast when you yourself are among the unwed. I'm totally down with the single life. I like only having to look out for moi-même. A Master's degree is time consuming. I have so much reading to do for research and classes...it's out of control!! But I have wandered off the beaten path.

BYU sub-culture. The rules of these people go something like this:
  1. Marriage is your primary goal, school secondary.
    • Girls should be married no later than 21.
      • As this is the age most boys are coming back from missions...no boy will want an older girl, right?!
    • Boys should be married no later than 25.
      • Seriously, if you're not married by then, you're wasting time. The 25 age already gives them 2 years of slacking...should be married by 23...sheesh...get it together!
  2. Girls should spend minimum of 2 hours getting ready for the day.
    • Hair needs to be properly teased into place...seen the movie Hairspray? Not such an unrealistic portrayal...
    • Make-up? Should look like a professional did it. No facial flaws allowed.
  3. Clothing, if it's not name-brand brand new this season, you're out of style.
    • Can we say Ambercrombie and Fitch? Oh and don't get me started on the Banana Bandwagon...
      (The only time it's acceptable to not be perfectly put together is if you're going for the "surfer"/"skater" looks...but these can only be done with the most expensive line of such clothing...no cheapies here either)
  4. Dating shouldn't last longer than 3 months.
    • Apparently, you'll know after just 3 months of having known the person (because heaven forbid! you be friends first) whether you want to marry them or not.
    • Word of caution: DTR does not equal "define the relationship" it does, however, equal "destroy the relationship." There are very few exceptions to this rule.
  5. Engagements should not last longer than 2 months.
    • Anything longer and you're being ridiculous. I mean, cheap, Mormon wedding dresses are so easy to go buy off the rack. But make sure you don't have sensitive skin, the cheap fabric WILL make you itch... (ew, ew, ew! I'll NEVER buy a Mormon wedding dress...only Teri Alton originals for me!)
I think I'll leave it at those 5 for now. There are more, so I know there will be an update to come. But I'm sick of delving into the twisted workings of the BYU sub-culture for tonight. We'll see, I have a lot of lame Friday nights ahead of me...full of fun reading! (Or maybe, I'll get lucky and some fine, BYU specimen will finally ask me out! Be still, my beating heart....)


Megan Elizabeth said...

that is so true! cheers for the unmarried!!! who needs boys

Jon W. said...

I agree with you completely. The social stigma that you are subjected to as a younger Mormon girl is out of line. I don't think it's wrong for somebody to focus on their goals rather than go for the traditional "barefoot and pregnant" role that get assigned to Mormon girls so often. Granted a lot of my ideas regarding individual freedoms are born of my personal beliefs, but still, to somebody that actually thinks for herself, a lot of what I believe about freedoms shouldn't be so hard to imagine. You shouldn't feel like you are "supposed" to do anything but serve God as best you can, whether single or married. In fact, if you read 1 Corinthians 7:33-35, you'll see that God says it is better for you to stay single since you can be devoted to serving him only and not be distracted by other things such as a husband and children. The only reason marriage is mandated by God is if you feel you cannot stay single and refrain from extra-marital relations. So in your case, I would not lament, but rejoice that you don't have any extra worries and can focus on what is really important in life, #1 of course, being obedient to God and what he asks you to do.

In closing...I'll say this, and you can take it however you want. You are not that hard to like, or love even. Your intelligence is very intimidating to most people that aren't used to it, but once people get to know you, all that goes out of focus because they learn that aside from your intelligence, you are a beautiful person. And I don't mean just beautiful in the "gosh you're smart" way either, you really are a beautiful young lady and whomever "gets you" is going to be a truly lucky guy.

I love my NoNo...that much is true, but she shouldn't feel to awkward being a single person in a land of married people. Regardless of the pressures your "little "c"" church puts on you, you shouldn't live your life any other way than what is dictated in the Bible by God.

I know however your life story plays out, it will do so not because of how your "little "c"" church makes you feel you should be living, but because how you, taking your service to God and to humanity into account, know you should be living.

I love you and support you in whatever you do...but then, you know that. =D


PS. You can still be my 2nd wife if you want. Heather would have to OK it though. ;)

NAlton said...

Okay, just going on record to clear up one point Jon made: It's not the Church that (little c or big C) that puts this expectation. It's the BYU sub-culture...and this was written tongue-in-cheek. It's not what it once was. I'm not the only unmarried, female grad student. (I've also seen single, male grad students...shocking, I know!) That said, I move on from this topic...

Casual Chicka said...

So I think that I have violated every single one of those rules! Woops! I'm 22... I hardly ever get ready... I dated a guy for 4 and a half years and we never got married... hm :) Oh well! I love my life! Hahah