09 November 2007

Please don't feed the coworkers...

This is a blog I've been meaning to write for a bit now. But today, I got new information that'll make this blog sing! (Guaranteed to sing, or your money back! Act now, this offer won't last.)

So, as many of you out there know, I'm 25. And I know that's not old, but I feel old when my coworkers start singing along to Hannah Montana. Seriously? Hannah Montana? You have to be kidding me. They are in their early twenties, and they love her. What's not to love? She has AMAZING lyrics, and HUGE musical talent...okay, I can't believe I just typed those phrases. But that's what they tell me. Let's look at some of her lyrics, shall we?

You go to movie premiers (is that Orlando Bloom?)
Hear your songs on the radio, woah,
Livin' two lives is a little weird, yeah
But school's cool cause nobody knows

Yeah you get to be a small town girl
But big time when you play your guitar

You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show

I hope I never have to read her lyrics again...it's impossible to choose the worst lyrics, because they all suck. So she goes to premiers and maybe see Orlando Bloom. She hears her songs on the radio (funny, I've never heard any HM songs on the radio...oh wait, that's because she's ONLY on radio Disney. Got it.). It's weird living two lives, but it's all good cuz no one at school knows. And does HM play a guitar? I'll admit I've seen the show twice, in an effort to understand the obsession, but I don't remember any guitar playing by her. I think my favorite line is "chill it out, take it slow." That's obviously stellar song writing there, what is this "it" she's talking about? Are the horrible lyrics really her fault? Well, she agrees to sing them, so yes. She may not write them, but she DOES choose to sing them.

How does this relate to my coworkers? I've heard the "you get the beeeeeest of both worlds" chorus about a million times in the last few weeks. And I got to listen to them gush over how she'd added a show here in Utah. (OH MY GOSH!! It's like Christmas!) And I got to hear the story of Taren camping out for tickets, and then Megan was "so jealous." Seriously? There are bands I'd camp out for, but HM is DEFINITELY NOT on that list.

Then this morning, I'm talking to my friend and she starts telling me about her coworker Kellie Levek (name has been misspelled to protect the guilty's identity). Kellie likes to dress in "themes." Today's theme was Lindsay Lohan. Maybe leggings and a nice "dress length" shirt wouldn't be so bad except that Kellie has been through the Temple, and leggings "show her religion," so to speak. Then she topped the outfit off with leopard print heels. She's in Boise, not Hollywood, first of all. And second of all, even if she were in Hollywood it wouldn't be a good idea to wear this outfit. (Did I mention the leggings were black and the shirt grey? How does THAT work with leopard print!?) My friend has also seen Kellie dress like a French Mime, complete with pale make-up. I know, I know...

Speaking of Kellie's make-up foibles, she has "plucked one too many times" and is now officially browless. That's right no eyebrows. So she pencils them in everyday. Each day is a little different. One day she has nice thin eyebrows that look mostly normal and other days she has thin eyebrows that look hideous. Today, she went for a "bushy" look. I hear it looks beyond hideous. What's beyond hideous....appalling, dreadful, frightful, ghastly (I like that one!), macabre - maybe - revolting, and so on.

The other thing that gets me about coworker Kellie (coming soon to a store near you "Coworker Kellie." She'll annoy Working Mom Barbie so much that Barbie will burn dinner!) is that she's taken pictures of all her clothes and then puts together power point slides of possible outfits. I guess her dream is to have a computer program similar to Cher's on Clueless...now there's a goal.

So please, don't feed the coworkers, as the zoo keepers need to make sure they have the proper diet so they'll continue to entertain us for years to come.


Megan Elizabeth said...

I LOVE it!!! You're aweome.

Petra said...

Dude. Now I want to dress like a French mime.

Confuzzled said...

Wait till they go drag. Actually, never mind. No matter what you say, the image of our Director of Finance dressed as a black jungle woman will never erase itself from my head . . .

NAlton said...

**Update** (this is the story as told by my friend that works with Kellie)

Kellie is leaving on Thursday for a week, and I was just looking at her calendar (bad me...) Monday: choose shoes Tuesday: pack pants
Wednesday: pack tops and "majority of beauty supplies". Thursday:
pack rest of beauty supplies. It also has on "make dinner for Todd at 7:30pm" and "clean house at 8:30pm". She gives me something to laugh at everyday.

eleka nahmen said...

Um. Wow. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to pick out their own outfits, imho.

NAlton said...