08 April 2009

Re: Anorexia

Dear Anonymous,

First of all, thank you for reading my blog. Whomever you are! I appreciate the feedback. But I want to clarify something for all my readers: my blog on anorexia was not to flaunt my anorexia issues. I was not out to "parade or display [my disease] conspicuously, defiantly, or boldly." Nor was I trying to "treat with disdain" my disease. I'm sorry, dear Anonymous, that you felt this way.

What I was doing, was something I have recently promised myself that I would do. TALK about it. Not flaunt, but talk. There's a difference. My father is a recovering alcoholic. He talks about it with us all the time. Why? Is he out to flaunt his alcoholism, a disease that grips many thousands of people? No. He's talking about it so that others might understand what they're experiencing. So others might see the signs in someone they love and care for. So, still others, may never have to learn if they are susceptible to this disease.

It wasn't until recently that I felt comfortable talking about my anorexia. This is a big step in the healing process, I believe. As do many therapists. We (the recovering) talk about it so that others can learn from it. I'm by no means "over" anorexia. It never goes away. It never will, but I can help others see that there is life after anorexia. That there will be hard days, and that it may seem easier to fall back into the old habits. But it's not worth it. It gets easier.

I've been lucky to have found amazing friends that can recognize my dark moods and know how to handle them. They encourage me with love and kindness. I am truly indebted to many of them; they will never know what they've meant to me.

If I came across as "flaunting", that was not the intent. I will continue to talk about my anorexia here, on occasion. I have another, private, blog that only my closest friends read. This is where I really talk about the things I still struggle with. It's my therapy area. I write out all the things I don't understand and that helps me make sense of it. I'm not ready for the world to see what is written there. It will remain private, invitation only....indefinitely. The anonymous comment that was posted here shows that the world is not truly ready to have open, honest discourse about this disease.

If the recovering don't talk about anorexia, who will? Certainly not the girls (and boys) that still suffer from the debilitating disease for they cannot. Talking about it is forbidden, is it not? That's one of the stone-cold rules that all anorexics live by. I'm breaking that silence, slowly...but I am. The world has only just begun to comprehend anorexia and its effects. I'm just adding to the dialogue to try and move it along.

And so, Anonymous, I ask that you understand that this was not meant to attack your concern. It was meant to explain why I feel it is so important for us to talk about these things.



P.S. If you follow this blog, and want to be considered for access to the other blog mentioned...shoot me an email. The worst that can happen is I'll say no. But I'll always explain why to you.

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