For those who don't know: Sisyphus is punished to carry a heavy stone up a mountain to have it fall back down the mountain. He has to repeat this indefinitely. Sounds bad, right? But we all are Sisyphus...or we all have our own metaphorical rocks.
In my own life, my rock is anorexia. I finally get up the mountain and think that I've conquered the rock, just to watch it plummet back down the mountain. And, no, I'm not just talking about the eating thing. That is mostly under control. I'm talking about everything else that goes along with it, most people focus so much on the food part, that they forget about all the other things.
I've been doing research into it, there are a lot of things about my personality that I don't like and thought it was time to figure it all out. I bought a book recently, Gaining*, and the author has me pinned. She knows my darkest secrets. How? Because anorexics all have similar tendencies. I fluctuate between wanting to throw the book across the room, and devouring it. It helps me see that each time the rock falls down the mountain, I can push it back up. It may never stay, but it's doable. My rock will not get the best of me. Because it will never fall for the same reasons again.
For now, I don't lay awake at night obsessing about the food I did (or did not) eat that day. (Well, sometimes, but never in the same way as I did during my darkest days, more in the "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" way.) Now, it's "I can't believe I didn't clean my room. There are clothes on the floor, I hate this!!" And I do not let myself get out of bed to clean. I'm not giving into this. I don't know if this is the best method, but for now it'll work.
*I don't know why this book is discounted at B&N right now, it's amazing, but I'd recommend it to anyone.
This post is part of the Blue-Beta Blog Coordination, a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Confuzzled of I Keep Wondering, Gromit of The Dancing Newt, Redoubt of Redoubt Redux, Third Mango of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, and Yarjka of Sour Mayonnaise. This week's theme: 'A Heavy Box'.