20 March 2009

Maybe This Time

Natasha Richardson died March 18, 2009. Sort of fitting, as it was my half birthday and I relate more to her portrayal of Sally Bowles than any other fictional character. Why do I say that? Well, I'll explain.

Wednesday night, I was watching Amelie for the first time. The person with whom I was watching said movie mentioned that their friend related to Amelie that Amelie was how they lived their life. It was interesting, but Amelie is not me, so I didn't think too much about it. Then I was playing "Maybe this Time" and I realized, as I always do with that song, that it could very well be the theme song of my life. You can tell when she sings about this maybe being the time that she finally gets what she wants, that she doesn't believe that she really will get it. It'll turn out like history tells her it will: she'll still be the loser, in the end he'll leave. And she'll be stuck performing in a Cabaret, which she doesn't want to do. (If you can't tell that she doesn't want to be there after watching that...you'll never get it!)

I spend my life performing for people, for myself. But are we ever truly happy performing? For me, and for Sally, the answer is no. We want to be "lady peaceful, lady happy." And don't read into that "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" because it just means that we want a life where we don't have to perform anymore. A life where we can be us, and not have to perform for anyone.

Will we ever achieve it?

R.I.P. Natasha. You gave the world so much beauty, and you will be missed.

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