Four Years Ago (Yesterday)

Dear Grandma-

Just thought I'd fill you in on what's been happening over the last four years. Mostly life has plodded along as if nothing changed, but everything changes. There's an old saying "the more things change, the more they stay the same." Am I right??

I've started graduate school. I'm almost completed. I need to write my thesis, but there is so much more I want to do than sit at a desk and write it. However, I need to get it done so that I can move on to the rest of my life.

I have a job now. It's actually a good job. The best part is that it uses my degree. I don't think life could have worked itself out any better for me.

Of course, I'm still single. But then you probably knew that I would be. You were always so much more aware of us than we gave you credit. (PS, be nice to my kids...don't teach them too many of my old tricks, they don't need the help!! I've met Wesley and Maxwell...they have your handiwork written all over them.) I'm happy with my life, I don't regret the path I've chosen. I wouldn't trade my time away at school and this job for any of the "typical Mormon girl" life choices.I am a published researcher, you know. I was able to present in Hawaii at a conference there. Twist my arm. :)

I never would have done half of this without your influence in my life. Between you and the other Grandma, I couldn't have asked for better examples. You two taught me what it meant to be a woman. You are both feminist and probably didn't realize it. But you knew what you wanted from life, and you got it. All of it.

Sometimes when I'm driving up Emerald (or Five Mile, or any of the streets near your home) I forget and put my blinker on like I'm going to see you. I'll even move into the turn lane before I remember I can't stop by and see you.

They say time heals all wounds, but time will never heal the loss I feel. Most days are great, I hardly miss you. But then something happens, and I'm reminded of you and the pain is as intense as it was four years ago. I think what really happens is that time puts a scab on the wound. So that it doesn't hurt constantly. Until you catch that scab on something and it rips up a bit, the pain comes back and is intense for a short time.

I miss you.

Love,

Xan